I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize