does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Duck Duck Cougar?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
