Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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