woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize