My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
