I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
