So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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