girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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