Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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