K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
