You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
