You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
