I think I won the penis lottery.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Terrible idea I love it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
