if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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