That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
