And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
