While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
