you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
