K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
