Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.