i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay