i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.