Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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