Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"

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(937): He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night" http://tfl.nu/9y6d

Replies (9) Good night (4074) Bad night (883)
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(518): View more from New York

I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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(518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0

Replies (39) Good night (5632) Bad night (1130)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

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(732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5

Replies (18) Good night (6491) Bad night (1131)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.

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(480): I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name. http://tfl.nu/lmy8

Replies (6) Good night (1138) Bad night (2635)
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(847): View more from Illinois

i can recognize that vagina from a mile away

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(847): i can recognize that vagina from a mile away http://tfl.nu/64kp

Replies (15) Good night (2028) Bad night (1610)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys

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(860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys http://tfl.nu/i7wv

Replies (2) Good night (2266) Bad night (1228)
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(989): View more from Michigan

Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday

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(989): Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday http://tfl.nu/e2qw

Replies (3) Good night (1352) Bad night (622)
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(785): View more from Kansas

apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man

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(785): apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man http://tfl.nu/lmge

Replies (5) Good night (1672) Bad night (529)
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(315): View more from New York

Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?

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(315): Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room? http://tfl.nu/jfto

Replies (10) Good night (1666) Bad night (528)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.

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(402): Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal. http://tfl.nu/0e3u

Replies (9) Good night (1303) Bad night (640)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.

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(719): Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming. http://tfl.nu/flfj

Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (446)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.

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(608): I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge. http://tfl.nu/n8yp

Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (1096)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.

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(847): Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations. http://tfl.nu/g9dw

Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (369)
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(775): View more from Nevada

What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running

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(775): What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running http://tfl.nu/dwtn

Replies (7) Good night (475) Bad night (1336)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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(610): So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night?? http://tfl.nu/qtcd

Replies (2) Good night (895) Bad night (322)

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