NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
