why didn't you poke me back
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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