I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The Olympian is in my bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
