I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
