We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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