If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i drank out of a bidet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
