yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
