life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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