R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
