I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
