After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
