He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just gargled with NyQuil
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
