I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just googled if crying burns calories
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
