i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
