Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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