I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
