Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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