Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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