I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
