you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize