I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did I show you my penis last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
