oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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