dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
