Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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