On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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