just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
