i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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