I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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