dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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