I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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