i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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