Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
