Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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