put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my shit smells like andre
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
