Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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