I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
