everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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