no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
