i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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