dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
