She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.