I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.