woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this just has baby written all over it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not