it was like eating out sand paper
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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