If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend