She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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