I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
