A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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