About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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