It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
