So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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