every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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