Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize