He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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